Lately, my mid-day workout has been as follows:

10-minute warm-up on the girly elliptical.

Some girly yoga poses, downward facing dog and cobra and so forth.

The ultra girly thigh machine, complete with girly inner- and outer-thigh settings.

I had Jess show me some girly dance exercises that targeted girly hips.

I even incorporate the girliest of all exercises: girly butt raises.

I finish off with lots and lots of girly stretching.


My workouts make me feel like one of the gals.
It hit me yesterday as I was stretching my thigh. (Of course, guys use the term quads. It's such a masculine term, QUAD. You can almost spit it out like chewing tobacco.)

Anyway, it hit me that I work out like a total girly man.

It wasn't always this way.

In high school, I was a squatter. Now that's a man's exercise. I have no idea how much weight I did, but Dude, I looked hardcore doing it.

Of course, I also ended up at the chiropractor because of all the weight that was resting at the base of my skull. It kinda messed with my vertabrae.

In college, I could fucking bench. That's how you HAVE to say it, too. As in, Dude, did you SEE how much I just fuckin' benched?!

Junior year, every time I went to the old Rec Center -- wearing a shirt with cut-off sleeves, of course -- I always went straight for the bench press. And it worked. My max (you're not a man if you don't max out) shot up to 215 pounds at its peak. Not bad for a 160-pounder.

I weighed 10 more pounds than I do now and, for the first time ever, I sort of had pecs. I was proud of what I accomplished. I oozed testosterone.

Of course, I also suffered my worst injury ever that year. It required knee surgery, and it was probably a result of having weak lateral quads and tight hamstrings.


One girly exercise I DO NOT do.
Lately my hips, quads and lower back have been achy. During my last run, I had to stop to stretch my hips.

The first person that told me I have weak hips and quads was a former football player. He's a personal trainer to pro athletes and this dude, he could kick most people's asses by looking at them. And he got down on the ground and showed me inner and outer thigh workouts.

I consulted with Dr. Gordon and his Milwaukee Orthopaedic Group associate, who was at Saturday's build-up run. They showed me some stretches, but also told me I have to build up strength in my hips, butt and thighs.

This brings us back to why I work out like a girl. It's based on expert advice.

Sometimes, I throw in some calf raises and bicep curls, just to feel a little more like a man.