He's like the insane ex-girlfriend who keeps trying to make it work even though it's CLEARLY OVER!

Stay away, Brett Favre. The love is gone. We've already cut your face out of every photo. We've thrown away all of your letters, your gifts, your cards. We talk about you to our friends and family, saying things like, "We're better off without him," and, "Thank God THAT'S over!" We've even deleted you from our list of friends on Facebook.

Maybe a few years from now we'll run into each other and be able to be cordial to one another. But for now, just give us some time to heal.

Actually, I'm just kidding. I never liked you, the Packers bore me, and football is overrated. I just want you to go away so I don't have to hear your goddamn name at the top of the news every day, especially since there are more important things going on in the world, like, you know... WARS AND GLOBAL WARMING AND RISING GAS PRICES AND GENOCIDE AND SKYROCKETING LAYOFFS AND HOMELESSNESS AND STARVATION AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR DUMB ASS COMING BACK TO A LAME SPORT!

I know I don't speak for everyone here, especially since everyone seems to kiss your hillbilly behind over and over and over again. But I won't let that keep me from saying this: STAY AWAY!

Refusing to acknowledge that the number four ever existed,

--Shady